Ever have a fantasy? I did. For as long as I could remember. I wanted to be kissed by Princess Leia. Now this is probably a normal fantasy for most boys in my generation. The difference for me – I am a girl.
I was given dolls to play with, I was told that I would get married one day – to a boy. I was programed, you will marry a boy, you will have a kid who will continue the process. That was the way it was.
As I grew up my fantasy girl changed. There was the Laura Ingalls years, the Jo from “The Facts of Life” (really I should have seen that coming). Don’t get me wrong – several men made my list too. Sean Connery, Adam Levine, and a guy that owns a local coffee shop all made the guys I would fuck list. But truly it was women on my mind and kissing my princess. So, it makes sense that at 20 I got married and by 24 had 2 lovely kids right?
Wait, stop, what?
True enough, I didn’t figure out what my Princess Leia fantasy was trying to tell me until I had been married for over 15 years. Not sure what to call myself if I were to slap a label on me – Bi, Lesbian, Curious? I just know I wasn’t happy and I still hadn’t kissed that princess.
I started the divorce process and joined the local Pride Chorus. Not looking for love, just wanting to sing and meet like minded women. This started me down the path to my fantasy coming true. Our choir was performing at a local art/music festival. A close friend had come to watch and we had decided to stay after the choirs set and enjoy an evening of music. She had just gone through a break-up and was upset – so I held her hand and hugged her often throughout the night. Little did I know that these loving touches would lead to my princess.
At work the next morning I was greeted with an email:
How did I not know that you were available? Why is it I miss out on all the hot women in this town?
Was this a mistake? This beautiful woman from choir found me attractive? How should I respond – I was flummoxed. Luckily she IM’d me just as I was starting an email back.
K: You there?
K: Who was that girl last night? Your girlfriend?
Me: No, just a friend.
K: Awesome, so you are available and a lesbian?
Wow, straight and to the point – I struggled with what to say next. Truth is best in this right?
Me: I am going through a divorce currently because yes – I am a lesbian – I guess.
There it is – I labeled myself – to a woman I barely know. Minutes tick by, no response. Did I over share? Did I not share enough? Did I screw this up? Why was my stomach in knots? Then she typed:
K: So want to have lunch today?
K: See you at noon – I can’t wait.
We exchange where to meet. What had I done? I was meeting this woman, what would we talk about, what would be expected? Seriously, I had not dated in years – crap decades. The rules were different then… that was boy/girl rules. I don’t know girl/girl rules. What happens in the girl/girl world? Time seemed to stand still. Butterflies had taken residence in my belly, and I was trying to figure a way out. About 20 minutes before noon my computer beeped.
K: You still here?
I was panicked – was she going to cancel? All of a sudden the butterflies were tangoing.
K: You nervous?
Then she logged off. I stood up and realized my panties were wet – not damp – wet. What is this? This new – I rush to the bathroom. I am so warm, and wet, and wanting. I have never felt this way with my ex – what is this longing I am feeling. I don’t even know this woman. I feel wanted.
At noon I walk up to the restaurant, she was already there. She is beautiful. Her eyes sparkle as she links with mine. She smiles and my stomach flips. Warmth spreading though my core.
I sit and she reaches across the table and grabs my hand. I am 30 something and know that this will sound corny – but you know that electric feel people write about, that doesn’t begin to explain what I felt. The warmth that was building explodes and I know that I am more than wet with wanting. I pulled back – I know my face was flushed.
She laughed, “Wow, are glowing. Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman?” “No,” I whisper. “Let’s start with the easy stuff then shall we? How long were you married?” She guides. I gather myself, trying not to focus on her lips, “I was married for 15 years.” “You must have gotten married very young.” Blushing I tell her that I was 20 when I married. Her comment after that was “Yes, we will go very slow,” as she reached across the table and took back my hand.
She held my hand through most of that lunch. I would like to tell you what else she said, how witty I was, or how intellectual I sounded. But I am almost sure I could not string more than five words in a row. All I could do was feel. The heat of her touch, the motion she made when caressing the back of my hand, the ever present tug in my belly wanting more of her touch. This feeling of being out of control – my body reacting in way it never had before. How I made it though lunch I will never know. As she walked me back to my office we planned to have lunch at her house tomorrow.
Then the damnedest thing happened. She kissed me. My mind went blank, her lips touching mine, her tongue seeking entrance then exploring my mouth. Her arm around my waist and holding me close. Then she released the spell she had wove – kissed my cheek and headed home. The rest of the day I was smiling, wet, wanting, and wonderful.
My princess kissed me, now it wasn’t Leia but it was so much better. My fantasy came true. The best part is now I had a new fantasy and I got to see her the next day.